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I AM CANADIAN!!!


I am not a hacker or terrorist

I do not like Céline Dion or Shania Twain but I am glad they are getting rich.

I do know Richy and Sally from Canada, but they aren't nice as you think.

I am ruled by a rich white Prime Minister not a rich white President.

I don't know French but I can converse fluently in American...

...and I pronounce it A BOOT not a big shoe.

I can proudly show my flag on my backpack, because even though no one realizes that we are just as guilty Everyone else for the fate of the 3rd world every one blames America.

when I am at home I realize I have better not protest deforestation or sexist dictators without risking a face full of pepper spray and a criminal record.

I believe in peacekeeping, even if it means killing some molly teenagers for fun

I believe in turning back boat loads of Chinese immigrants, a failing health care system, and late night cable porn disguised as art, and that the beaver is a truly proud and a beautiful part of the female body.

I believe the French should whine about anything, and the English should apologize.

...And that is pronounced zed not zee: ZED! That is how the queen told us how to pronounce it.

Canada is the second largest land mass in the world,

the second nation in hockey,

and the best part of the northern 3rd of America!

MY NAME IS JOE,

AND UNTIL WE ARE ADDED BY THE STATES,

I AM CANADIAN




I AM BRITISH COLUMBIAN!
My name is Nick,

On a map my province is on the left and unfortunately is so is my government.

I not a hippy, or a tree hugger, but I'm proud to recycle.

I wasn't born here, but I am heree now and its better than where I was before, even though I will go back home for Christmas.

I wasn't an extra on the X-Files, but my roommate was.

I use an umbrella in the winter, not a snow shovel.

There are no gas stations in gas town.

Spusism is beyond hope, and if you wanna smoke you better step outside.

And its lutis land not lalatis land,

BC is the farthest away from Toronto,

The Home of Terry Fox, and the best part of Canada!

My name is Nick AND I AM A BRITISH COLUMBIAN!!!



From Mom
Here In Newfoundland

Dear Son;

I am writing this slow because you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car
accidents happen within 20 miles of home - so we moved. I can't send the address as the
last Newfie family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house, so
they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. But the first day I put 4 shirts in it, pulled the chain
and I haven't seen them since.

It rained here only twice last week - three days the first time and four the second time.

About the coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little heavy to
send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off. I put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the Funeral Home, it said that if we didn't make the last payment on
Grandma's funeral, up she comes!

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out wether it is a girl or a
boy so I don't know if you're an Aunt or an Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat - some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off and drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two
were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety.
The other two drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!

Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent by now, but I told her you
had grown another foot since she saw you last, so she had to knit another one.

No more news for now.


Love
Mom




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